Montse Herrera defines herself as a psychotherapist, mediator, trainer, coach, technical specialist in foot reflexology, legal expert in graphology and expert in spagyric homeopathy. All this appears on the professional social network LinkedIn, in which he specifies that he has a degree in Psychology obtained from the UNED between 2009 and 2013. In fact, on his website Matchmaking Montse Herrera —an agency to find a partner— states that "for the last 19 years he has dedicated himself to working as a psychotherapist".

In a telephone interview, Ella Herrera clarifies it: "I have eight exams left to finish Psychology; that's why I put 'studying Psychology'." Only on her website www.montseherrera.com does this nuance appear if she clicks on the 'Read my CV' section. There, where she indicates that between 2009 and 2013 she studied Psychology, there is an asterisk that indicates: "* 4th year". She also includes other training courses in acupuncture, naturopathy, reiki, Chinese pulse therapy, electroaesthetics, kinesiology, Bach flowers… She is also a collaborator in the program La nit que no s'acaba on radio SER Catalunya.

Soulmate Matchmaking by Montse Herrera is an agency directed and founded by the Barcelona coach. The lowest rate is 1,000 euros and it is for "soul clients": "For a symbolic amount of 1,000 euros (to cover our professional time), you will be able to belong to our database, participate in the events organized by SoulmateMH and enjoy of more advantages", can be read on the website. However, right there she also specifies that they have rates "from 5,000 euros". Montse Herrera states that the highest is 15,000 and includes "maintenance after a few months of finding a partner." "What we do is accompany, we do mediation work: the couple comes when there are fights, for example, and there is a follow-up of the relationship so that it goes as well as possible" adds the coach.

What is the method used by this agency to find a partner? "There is a psychological test, a psychographology test and some questions. When we already have the study on people, we look at inputs, without machines, so that they match as much as possible. From there a first date is made. That there is affinity Perfect. If there's no affinity, you keep looking." Eparquio Delgado, psychologist and director of the Hopscotch center, explains that "graphology is a pseudoscience." "There is no proof that there is a relationship between the way of writing and certain personality traits. It is a totally gratuitous claim that has not been proven but is sold as scientific. The claims that are made are so generic that it is difficult not to identify with them, as happens with the horoscope", he adds.

A week ago, Montse Herrera announced through different social networks that on Monday, June 12, she would give a free talk through YouTube aimed at women. It was titled: "The seven mistakes that drive men away." "It is aimed at all those women who do not quite understand what they are doing wrong or what they are not doing to achieve the same result... being alone or having the company of that man they want. Have you ever thought about why that man you do Little eyes, doesn't he pay any attention to you?" This talk has its version in online course, entitled "I deserve my soulmate", in which she assures that for a month she will give tools so that any woman can "seduce a man" and "retain him". The price, she explains, "is about 1,000 euros, according to the value given to it in the market." "I managed to get them to leave it at 257 euros in the end."

She, sitting in front of her computer and live to the group of women who have subscribed, warns that the advice could also be directed at men and that although she has been accused of machismo, what she does "is neither sexist nor feminist". After listening to the talk, we reproduce some fragments and compare them with expert opinions and scientific references.

Mistake 1. "Not having your own goals"

"That man I like calls me at any time and I have what I have to do, I put it aside and stay with him. I leave my friends hanging, we have all done it. If you don't make the person have a little of insecurity, if you take it for granted that he has you in the boat, there will be no spark, he will get tired".

Error 2. "Asking trick questions"

"They are questions like: 'Do you love me? Have you seen her? Have you met her again? Have you called her again? Are you in love with me?'. Those questions are terrifying, you put her between The sword and the wall".

Error 3. "Neglecting our image"

"The man is very visual. Having a good image awakens the sexual theme. It does not mean that we have to dress up or change our style, but when we meet that person we have dressed up, we have become very cute and when we see that we already have him in our fauces we are leaving, we are leaving. nasty, but something that favors you, that makes you look pretty. For them, the visual theme is super important. If you make yourself pretty, he's going to look a little threatened. That's going to make him also dress up and take care of himself. Don't be careless of me."

Mistake 4. "Low self-esteem"

"It goes away when you are in front of a man you like. There is nothing that attracts a man more than a woman who has clear ideas. Men do not want women dependent on them."

Mistake 5. "Take it for granted"

"I can take it for granted that my husband has to congratulate me on my birthday or buy me a present, I take it for granted that my husband has to do the shopping on Saturday, I take it for granted that my husband has to fix something if it breaks down at home. Those of you who are single take it for granted that that person has to reply quickly to a message, you take it for granted that he has to pay the bill... It would be fine if we thanked him. Husband has to do the shopping on Saturday but I still appreciate it. It goes without saying thank you always, you can give a smile, a hug, make him feel special... And do you know what we normally do? If they do something but don't they do it as we wanted, we punish them.

Mistake 6. "Misunderstanding"

"We're not the same. It's just that we're not the same. All the studies indicate it, a lot of evidence indicates that the brain works differently. If we think he has to think like us, we'll be disappointed, we'll be angry. We can't expect him to behave in the same way as us. When we are stressed, we quickly call the friends. The man shuts down, does not want to hear you speak, does not want you to ask him, he needs to solve the problem himself. There are many men, and this is a topical, that they don't know how to do more than one thing at a time. When a man is doing something (with his cell phone, with the newspaper, whatever) and we enter overwhelmingly and start talking about our stories, we will realize that he's not listening to us and that's going to bother us. He's doing what he was doing before you interrupted him. So please stop. If you want to get his attention, say, 'Hey, can you help me for a minute?' And he will tell you: 'Yes, wait until it ends' or 'Now I'm with you'. He doesn't mean that all men are like that, but those who can do two things at the same time are very few, so don't play it ".

Error 7. "The routine"

"Men are hunters, they need to have things that get them out of their routine, they need riddles, they need tests. That's why video games are so successful, it's no coincidence. Men need to have challenges. If you make the relationship routine, they lose the challenges. Don't wait for the weekend to come and he decides everything that needs to be done. Look for different ways to get angry with your partner, don't always make the same fight".

Bonus tip. "Get to be that special woman"

"Man is in two states when he's in love. First, 'I found her, it's her'. But then he has another part which is: 'There's more.' It stays in 'is she'? You have to focus his attention, that you manage to continue being a challenge, that he does not have you 100%. Ultimately, what the man wants is that you only be there for him. But that tires. a 'I want but I don't want'. The man, thank God, can commit, but his natural encoding is to leave as many offspring as possible and that is very difficult to do alone with a woman. What a woman does is look for that man. We want one, special, but we want one. But the man, in his nature, does not want just one woman, he wants many women. It's true, you also give up, but the price you pay is different. I'll say it again repeat: we are different. Man is genetically prepared to leave as many offspring as possible and p For that he has to be with many women. Instead, what the woman wants is to find a good man who is the father of her children, who takes care of her, who stays with her. We have to be that special woman for them."

What does science really 'say'?

After attending the talk, I ask Montse Herrera to specify the scientific references to which she alludes to affirm all of the above. She cites a single author (David P. Schmitt) and a single study. In one of the texts, Sociosexuality from Argentina to Zimbabwe: A 48 nation study of sex, culture, and strategies of human mating, Schmitt himself states that there is very little existing information regarding sexual behavior and the risk of competition for sperm (The studies she refers to where men are said to be genetically made to leave as many offspring as possible.) Among those existing studies, she cites one from 1951 on a tribe in Papua New Guinea in which the same author acknowledges that more research is needed.

The social psychologist Iria Reguera points out that the first thing to keep in mind is that "science does not say things": "Science is a method by which conclusions are reached. In serious disclosure, terms such as 'as they seem to indicate the studies', 'studies indicate that it could be that'… Taking some isolated studies and saying that science says so is dishonesty and cherrypicking, that is, selecting what gives us the reason and supports our discourse omitting other relevant studies in this regard ".

By phone, the coach explains to EL ESPAÑOL that during her 20 years of training she cannot "retain" all the authors or all the studies in her "head": "When I see something like that, I study it, I get what really interests me And I keep going."

—By saying that women have to manage to be "that special woman for them" the responsibility falls on them that their partners are not unfaithful because they are genetically made to be with several women at the same time.

—When I talk about the subject of genetics... I am from a type of current of Psychology in which this has its credibility.

"What stream is that?"

—Well, look, from the humanist... I like the behaviorist but... I move a little in all of them, I'm not a staunch supporter of any of them. But it is true that there are many that contradict each other. This is an explanation that I have heard from many of my teachers, it has always been valid to me, but as an explanation, not as a divine law or as an order.

—But, are you aware that you stand as an expert voice in psychology and that many women can take what you say for granted? She tells them, "You have to be that special woman for them."

—No, no no, I didn't say anything about "being a special woman."

Yes, it's a verbatim transcript of the video.

—Sure... Let's see, listen to me, I'm a great defender of men, I love men very much and I help men a lot to also have a correct relationship with their women. I am a family mediator, except marriages. What I try to do is give training and give guidance. With that training and with that orientation, each one does what they want.

—But she says that men tend to want to be with many women and that women look for a man who protects us, however he does not provide any scientific evidence.

—Because what a woman really wants is to have a man, a man who loves her and protects her.

"That he protect her from what?"

—Listen to me, she is taking my words out of context.

"No, I'm asking you what a woman wants to be protected from by a man."

-The woman... There are a lot of studies, and now don't ask me which one, I'll look for them or if you want, you look for them yourself, but when women make statistics, what is the first thing they look for in a man is protection . But at all levels. Women like to be taken care of. I do not make any scientific talk, I just give some points, some observations that I have observed after 20 years.

"When she talks about men seeking to spread their seed and women seeking to find a single man to have offspring with, to stay with and take care of them, all the time she focuses on biology, forgetting culture and socialization. human beings are not only biology, but culture and learning as well. All the errors that it indicates are based on gender stereotypes. These messages perpetuate stereotypes and keep women in their role of keeping their husbands happy and at home, "he points out the psychologist Iria Reguera.

Reguera reviews some of the points made by Herrera: "For example, when he talks about how women should take care of our image to keep the flame alive. Although at first he warns that the talk can be useful for men and women, he puts the responsibility on them She says: 'Look, if you fix yourself up, he's going to feel threatened and he's going to make her fix up.' Or she says: 'The body can be adjusted, remodelled.' At this point she focuses on desire, on that the man continues to feel physical interest and sexual desire for the relationship to last. Leaving aside the machismo that it entails, it seems that this desire is not as relevant to maintaining a long-term relationship. According to Arriaga (2001), the most relevant for the duration of the relationship, it is the commitment that you have towards it. The most important thing does not seem to be physical attraction, but rather that the basis of the relationship is a stable friendship, as well as compatible interests, habits and values".

The psychologist Iria Reguera also points out Montse Herrera's error when she affirms that men do not want to talk about their problems: "Traditionally, men have had difficulty expressing their emotions, but the fact that they do not know how to do it does not mean that they do not they want or that it is not beneficial for them. Advising women not to insist on asking what is wrong with their husbands or not trying to talk to them can be dangerous: repressing our emotions can lead to health problems."

The psychologist Eparquio Delgado points out that "current studies indicate that there may be differences between men and women of many kinds." "That these biological differences imply differences in behavior, aptitudes or attitudes must be taken with a lot of tweezers. We have no proof that certain differences imply differences in behavior. To say that is to lack rigor and seriousness," adds Delgado. "We must take discourses on human nature very carefully, even if they come from scientists. With the social sciences, there is always the risk of turning an explanation into a justification."

Follow the topics that interest you