What is not said… that you love a woman who is not your partner, that you are unfaithful and it is not your fault. What is not said… that you are a woman and you love a woman. Or that your marriage was a disaster, but you always lied to look good with society. What is not said: what you have choked in your heart, which reaches your throat and silences you.

Verónica Silva Dunkelberg is the author of Loquenosedice (Editorial Caja Negra), a book that between poetry and short stories delves into love, desire, sex, time, fear. The book was born as a diary to do catharsis, and when reading it it is very easy to recognize what we are silent about and why.

“I started writing for myself as a therapy, not with the aim of making any book, just reflections, what I felt. Also, I went to therapy, and this helped me a lot and I accumulated many articles, thoughts, stories that happened to me over the years and after a while I decided to post it on Facebook, ”she says. The impact on the social network was so good that they soon encouraged her to write a book.

Loquenosedice is the best way that Verónica has found to express that necessary break with silence. Nothing worse than silence. There are silences that truly kill: they kill a love, a passion, an illusion. A posibility.

What phrase would you add to What is not said?

What is not said in society, what everyone thinks but nobody dares to say. There are many things that are out there going around or people are afraid to expose them for the simple fact of being judged, or for not daring to be authentic with what they think. That was the reason for the book, for the title. I realized that there were many taboos in society, many people who care about 'what they are going to think'.

What is not said about love...

That it exists but many times it is perhaps overrated. Many times one stops believing in love due to situations of personal experience, but what is not said about love is that it is there, but there are many things that are hidden. We think it is one way, but it has many ways.

What we are told about the passion we have and that we often hide...

It's super important. The passion we have about things, about love, about sex, about people, about being like one is... most of the time we hide it. And our talents and our virtues sometimes don't come out of fear. That passion is what should guide the world, which should be exposed without fear of being judged to simply be who we are, be happy and not be afraid.

What is not said about sex...

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There is a lot left unsaid. No one goes around perhaps saying "I have a year without having sex." Nobody is going to say it, they don't dare to say it, especially men because there is some machismo in this society, in other countries perhaps not. Generation after generation the range is opening up a little more. Guys between the ages of 20 and 25, even 17 years old, begin to talk about sex in a much more natural way. I don't see anything wrong with talking about sex as one of the ingredients of love and beyond that, because there is nothing wrong with someone who chooses to have sex without love.

What is not said is that sex without love is also good...

No one admits it, although it depends on each one. You have to respect each person as they are and each one has their own beliefs and if it makes someone happy to have sex without love, then great. Those who say they can't are fine too. Precisely for this reason I dare to say certain things that people do not say; So it's incredible the response you've had from people I know who are a bit repressed or fearful. They've seen a light along the way that it's okay to talk about these things, there's nothing wrong with it, and they don't have to judge you.

What is not said about our sexual preferences...

What is not said is that there are too many established clichés, and what is not said is that there are things that exist and are not discussed out of shame or because they can brand us as perverted or perverse or 'dirty'. One has to express what one likes the most, if you don't like it in the morning or if you like it at night or in the afternoon or it makes you feel better to do it at a certain time, communication is basic and there is nothing wrong with saying it .

And what is said?

What is established by society, what is said is what our parents have taught us is correct, well accepted. You must have the perfect photo, that's why many divorces don't happen, because you follow family traditions, and divorce is frowned upon in your family, perhaps because they are very conservative. And just like those examples there are thousands. Once we get out of the box for a while, they misjudge us. What is not said is what comes out of the box, what is not traditional, what challenges you to be truly happy and take that step that nobody dares to take.

What is not said… that at 20 you were less good in bed than at 40...

Another one of those things that goes unsaid. You have more experience, you know yourself better. At 20 you're just starting out and you can't know what exactly you like. There are a thousand variables that I believe from a certain age, from 40 I think, marks a before and after. It seems to me that after 40 you enjoy your sexuality much more than when you were 20, because you are much more knowledgeable about other things.

ONE CAN BE HAPPY WHEN YOU ACHIEVE BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE

What you don't say to your best friend when it turns out that you fell in love with her...

Exactly, it is not said and there are many people who fall in love with their best friend or best friend and continue there. What would happen if you tell him and you are reciprocated? I'm the first to say 'hey, I'm in love with you' and if he says no, well, okay, but at least I said it and I go on with my life and you yours. Keeping things inside is worse, especially now with the pandemic, which has shown us how life goes by in seconds.

Whatdoesn'tsay about depression...

It is not said that you take pills, it is not said that you go to the psychiatrist for fear of being called crazy. Today the subject of mental health is, in quotes, fashionable, and that helps many people to ask for help and not be left alone, avoiding many self-harms and suicides and sadness. That was precisely one of the objectives of my book, to help people who have gone through sadness like mine and see that they are not alone, to see that there are people who go through the same thing as you and it is not bad to say it and that there are solution. You can be happy when you achieve balance in your life.

Is the theme of sex recurring in this book and will it be in the next?

I think so. It is part of the human being, of our nature. It had some slightly cruder articles about sex, not about talking about sex, but about sexual issues. I have one called "Parallel Sex", which is what has always existed but now it is much more noticeable, that they are people who are still married but each one has their sexual life on their own, outside of marriage and they live together for convenience. That is given a lot, but it is not said.

SELF:

“I am Veronica Silva Dunkelberg, I am 51 years old, divorced with two children that I adore. I studied Communications at the University of Lima. I worked in advertising and marketing agencies. I have always been linked to art, painting and photography”.

“I like to play sports, laugh at myself, have a good conversation with someone interesting accompanied by a glass of wine. I enjoy walking on the beach. The sea is my refuge. I discovered in writing a way of expressing myself to heal.”

“Putting feelings on paper is healing wounds and growing. Empathizing with those who can feel identified makes me happy. I enjoy being with myself. I consider myself a strong, confident, daring and resilient woman. I always fight for my dreams. ‘What is will be’ is my motto.”

Find the book here

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