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"I am a consecrated virgin": the lives of women who decide to marry Christ (and are not nuns)

Jessica Hayes got a wedding dress, a veil and a ring.

But when she was at the altar in front of the bishop and in a solemn religious ceremony, next to her there was no boyfriend.

She was going to marry Jesus Christ.

Hayes, 41, is a consecrated virgin, a vocation adopted by some women within the Catholic Church who wish to give themselves as brides to God.

During the consecration ceremony, the candidate, who wears a white dress similar to that of a bride, takes vows of chastity for life and promises that she will never have sexual or romantic relationships.

The nuns who decide to take this step also wear a wedding ring, a symbol of being mystically committed to Christ.

"I'm often asked, 'Is she married to her?'" says Hayes. "I usually give them a brief explanation that I am something of a religious sister, fully committed to Christ, but living in the outside world."

Joe Romee

Unlike nuns, consecrated virgins do not live in closed communities or wear special clothing. They lead a secular life, have their jobs and support themselves financially independently.

"I've been a teacher for 18 years. I'm currently teaching at the same high school I went to," says Hayes, who lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

"[Before my consecration] I realized that I did not share the call to a community life such as the one that is done in a religious congregation, in an apostolate or the one that the nuns do".

Today's Catholic/Joe Romie

When she is not teaching, she spends most of her time in prayer and doing penance.

He keeps a bishop informed and has regular meetings with a spiritual advisor.

"I live in a neighborhood, I belong to the parish that is a little over 3 kilometers away and I am available to help family and friends. Then I teach, so I am surrounded by people during the day, but I still have room to consecrate myself to the Lord" .

A lifetime commitment

Even within the Catholic Church, consecrated virgins are little known, in part because the vocation was only publicly sanctioned by the Church less than 50 years ago.

However, virgins have been part of the Church since the earliest days of Christianity. In the first three centuries after Christ, many died as martyrs as they attempted to remain faithful to the God to whom they had pledged.

Wikicommons

Among them was Agnes of Rome, who reportedly refused to marry the city's governor in order to live a life of chastity.

In medieval times, as the popularity of monastic religious life grew, this practice declined.

The concept of consecrated virgins re-emerged with the Ordo consecrationis virginum document in 1971, where the Vatican recognized perpetual female virginity as a voluntary state of life within the Church.

For Hayes, this type of vocation was something unknown: she had not thought about becoming a consecrated virgin until she met a spiritual adviser who, according to her, "started asking the right questions".

"It just became very clear that the Lord was asking me to live in a conjugal relationship with him," she recalls.

She made the decision in 2013 and her consecration took place two years later. The climax of the rite was marked by the moment in which the virgin prostrates herself before the altar.

"That was me giving Him a gift and at the same time it was me receiving it, in a permanent commitment," she explains.

"Even though I have a lot of the same obligations that I had before [the consecration], it's different now because relating to the Lord as a spouse is completely different than relating to him as a friend."

She is one of 254 "Brides of Christ" in the United States, according to the American Association of Consecrated Virgins (USACV), whose day jobs range from nurses and psychologists to accountants, businesswomen and firefighters. .

There are at least 4,000 consecrated virgins in the world, according to a 2015 survey, and the Vatican says there is an increase in vocations "in very diverse geographical areas."

Today's Catholic/Joe Romie

Hayes had not taken a specific vow of chastity before deciding to join the order of virgins at the age of 36.

She had been in romantic relationships before, but she says she never felt complete.

"I thought I was cut out for married life, [which] is a very natural desire for the human person. So I dated ... but they were never serious."

"I always found good people, but with none I felt I had to move on."

Living in a society where sexuality is very present can be a challenge for virgins, who choose to forgo physical relationships forever.

“I think the hardest part is being misunderstood, as our choice is considered counter-cultural,” Hayes reflects.

"I get a lot of 'oh, so you're like a single person.' I have to explain that the Lord is my main relationship, that what I do is give my body to Him. It's a gift of love, it doesn't feel like a deprivation of anything ".

Physical virgins?

Last July, the Vatican released a long-awaited new set of guidelines that caused some stir among consecrated virgins.

BBC

The issue at hand was whether the women who chose this vocation needed to be physically virgins.

Unlike nuns, who can take a vow of celibacy from the day they enter a religious order, these brides of Christ were expected to be lifelong virgins.

In the document's controversial section 88, the Vatican now declares that "having kept your body in perfect continence or having practiced the virtue of chastity in an exemplary manner" is important, but not an "essential" prerequisite for becoming a consecrated virgin. .

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The USACV, of which Hayes is a member, found the guidelines "shocking" and "deliberately complicated."

The entire tradition firmly upholds the concept of virginity "both material and formal (physical and spiritual) to receive consecration," they wrote in the statement.

Hayes would have preferred "some more clarity" in the document, but she is pleased that the head of the Catholic Church has focused her attention on the vocation of virgins.

"And the document goes on to say that [the candidates] must not have been married or have publicly and flagrantly violated the vow of chastity," she defends.

Joe Romee

"Perhaps it may be the case that a young person has committed an indiscriminate act. Or perhaps a woman was raped and therefore is not a virgin either, but it is not something that she has chosen."

Ultimately, he says, it's about encouraging this particular vocation among Catholic women.

"And maybe the vocations are growing because there are people who live with the need to have a very strong commitment to God and that may be what the Church needs now."


BBC

This note is part of the #100Women season, winner of several international awards, in which the BBC dedicates every year, since 2013, a large space to women, and draws up a list of 100 women from around the world highlighted for their achievements, extraordinary struggles or experiences.