For years sex has been a taboo subject in our country. Luckily, it is becoming more normalized and we talk about our intimate relationships without any problem. Despite this, the truth is that there are still issues related to bed issues that we are still embarrassed to formulate (either because they are strange, because they are very common or out of simple shame).

At El Confidencial we have compiled seven of the most frequently asked questions about sex on the internet, to which Héctor Galván, clinical psychologist and sexologist, answers for this newspaper.

Are multiple orgasms a myth?

"They are not a myth, but they should not be idealized," replies the psychologist, who is also director of the Madrid Institute of Sexology. "If they happen it's something pleasant and nice, but it's something rare and can happen in situations where you're very relaxed and there's a high level of sexual desire," he adds.

In any case, the specialist emphasizes that it should be something that contributes, not stresses us because we take it as a rigid goal.

Why do women find it difficult to orgasm from penetration alone?

“According to a study, 52% of women do not orgasm from penetration alone and this may be due to several factors”, points out the sexologist. “It can happen that the woman does not relax and does not feel comfortable. In the same way, it may be that the man has not yet had an ideal sexual connection with his partner”, he points out.

You have to demystify the frequency, the important thing is that there is enjoyment

“What is true is that the vast majority of women do end up achieving orgasm, even if it is in different ways. You can reach the limit of orgasm with penetration and then end up getting it with games, toys or masturbation ”, she points out.

In this sense, the psychologist points out that the greatest danger of myths is to create mental rigidity and anxiety.

Am I homosexual if I have ever had sexual fantasies with someone of the same sex?

“We would have to start from the fact that we are all potentially bisexual until the sexual orientation is confirmed. Sexual desire is not something that is genetically heterosexual, but one that can be associated and learned, ”she explains.

“Of course I don't know he's homosexual because he has some punctual fantasy. The sexual orientation in the end is determined by the search for sexual contact, ”she replies.

Is it advisable to tell your sexual fantasies to your partner?

In general, the specialist explains that it is, but what is really recommended “is that there is confidence in telling almost everything. Of course, what is not healthy is demanding to tell absolutely everything ”. "One can know that there are certain sexual fantasies that could make the partner uncomfortable or that they find strange."

“Not all intimacy has to be shared and that doesn't mean there isn't trust in the couple. That many of the fantasies can be told, yes, but it is not mandatory to tell absolutely everything, ”he explains.

Does the size of the penis matter in sex?

For the sexologist the answer is mythical: “Generally no”. “Sexual coupling is much more important, that the man is empathetic with the woman, that he learns the way for her to get more pleasure,” says Galván.

Regarding size, “the length of the penis is practically not important from what is called micropenis, which is only diagnosed when it is less than six centimeters erect. From there the penis will produce pleasure”. “In fact, most surgeries in women are performed without anesthesia because there are no sensitivity receptors in the innermost part of the vagina. That is to say, in length there is not much difference”, he explains.

It is more important that the man is empathetic with the woman and that he learns how to make her enjoy, than the size of the penis

“That's right, women tend to comment that they don't enjoy when it has a minimum of thickness”. "The important thing, as a summary, is the sexual coupling," says the sexologist.

Can you have sex when you reach old age?

To this question the specialist answers emphatically: “Undoubtedly. Sex life lasts as long as life lasts. "In fact, in our clinic we have many couples over 60 who come to improve their sexual life," he exemplifies.

Galván explains that in the case of women there may be more difficulties for lubrication, but there is an easy solution with any lubricant. And in the case of men, unless there are vascular diseases that can make erection difficult, "from the endocrine point of view the desire hardly diminishes and there can be a sexual response as long as there is a physical capacity for any other activity."

Does oral sex have the same risks?

“They are not the same risks as vaginal sex because the types of contagious diseases are different, but it does carry risks,” he answers.

How important should sex be for a relationship?

“We always say that sex life for a couple is not enough, although it is essential. Although two people can have a very good sex life, that is not enough for a relationship to work if there is not a good foundation in all other areas, ”she explains. And he qualifies that “a couple without a sexual life of any kind ceases to be a couple. It can be a relationship of coexistence or friendship, but as a couple relationship it ends up diluting”.

“What all couples ask us in one of the sessions is why the frequency and on average they have a relationship a week, but there are couples who have more and others who have a relationship a month and they are both very happy, ”says the sexologist. “Frequency must be demystified, what matters in terms of frequency is that there are relationships of enjoyment. And if it's enough for both of them, it's not a problem”, he says.